I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
