I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
