so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
