I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
