flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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