Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
