omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
