I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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