i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and you said cock pushups were impossible
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
