The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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