Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He shit in the fireplace
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
