I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
