his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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