This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just blew my weed a kiss
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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