Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
