Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
