Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
