how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
