If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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