I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
