She is in my trunk
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
