So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
