Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
