can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
