I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
