dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
