I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
