woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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