the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
