Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
