somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
