Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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