so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
