How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
