I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
