A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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