Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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