Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
