I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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