Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
