Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The best revenge is premature balding
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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