carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
