You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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