i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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