1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
