I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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