ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
