I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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