I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
