Too much gin, very little bucket
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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