morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
