Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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