matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
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I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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