what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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