the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
