So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
