If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
