I should be sponsored by Trojan
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
