Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
