i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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