what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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