How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
